Infatuation.

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It all happened in a blink of an eye. As fast as it hits, it dissolves within my doubt, unwilling to resign to a common pattern of destiny. For instant, I never thought such thing exist, yet it did and happened to me when somebody else out there prayed for it every single day. A prayer for a slight chance to encounter love. “Such a waste of mythical event on me; a heavy thinker,” I initially thought. Slowly it all changed due to a persistent force of the universe that came to my way. I began to melt, merged with the beautiful unknown. I wished to go further and beckoning the darkness stood before me. I am being pulled in the black hole even to this very second. From curiosity of mankind that driven all the great adventures, it all shifts into necessity to know more, to have more of the mystery. It thrilled me. I want more of it. I need to get everything. I became a prayer amongst many in the middle of the night, prayed that this isn’t just another temporary mean game from God that breaks too many hearts already.

 

Like a small asteroid drifting indefinitely in space, I let my life go without a purpose. I was a bigger asteroid before and had a purpose, until I got hit by reality and failed to keep myself together. So now I am living for the moment and let the universe guide me to anywhere it pleased. Without me knowing, it leads me here, being pulled in this bright star’s gravitational force. It is warm when my orbit closest to her. The other time it’s damn cold like the space between here and there. I began to wonder, could it possibly because I’ve been exposed to her warmth that I feel the cold? Maybe. I don’t really mind the pain.

Continue reading “Infatuation.”

Infatuation.

My Universe.

My time halts, shrinks and stretches simultaneously when she’s not near. I wonder when will it end? But when the time isn’t fixed, an eternity seems bearable. Now my only problem is to survive the agony I’m feeling. I miss her so very much until a single second ticks, it slices a big portion of my life. When will she comes back isn’t the right question to ask; how could she do this to me sounds like a good start to ask around.

So I begin my journey to my past. Reenacting every situation happened between us. Days change into weeks and I fail to find a single reason why. In that decaying memories, none of the fights matter. I fall in love all over again with her.

I just wish I could share what I’m feeling with her instead of let it slowly evaporates into nothingness. I wonder what she’s doing right now. But without a single way to reach her i’m addressing my wondering thoughts to the star as I lay on my rooftop. This routine happens everyday until I become too fond to think of her while staring at the stars without having a plan. I should’ve had, but I forgot how to start.

She was the center of my universe. And now that I’ve lost her, I am floating towards nothingness. Scary and fascinating at the same time. I wonder how will I survive this event with a few left in me. Perhaps I could never come back alive. Oh that would be fine. I have no plan of surviving the crash when she pulls me into her gravity after all. I fall too deep in love with a universe too big for me.

My Universe.