Rose doesn’t ask what I see or what kind of condition I am in now, so I am not describing a thing about the water filled every inch of the imaginative space I create or I’ve becoming a merman – I prefer merman because I have gills on both of my neck, like Harry Potter. Since she doesn’t say a word, I swim around, swiftly and aimlessly, testing my new skill to the limit. I pretty much swim very fast like Aquaman. I wonder what should I call myself. I also breathe at ease. I can sense the oxygen extracted from the water in my gills to my lungs. I feel great.

“Now I need you to call everyone inside you.” Suddenly I hear her voice next to my ear. Had she moved from her seat? Or have I lost my perception of distance? But before I realize, the merman-me – lets end the merman/Aquaman thing and call myself merman – stops swimming and just floating there in the water like a dead fish. As if his power source was cut just like that. He doesn’t look like he’s breathing or any sign that’s indicating he is alive. He looks like a normal drowned man to me. Lost and alone in the water, he is facing the most tragic death a man could ever imagine. I begin to panic. Would it be okay? What is she talking about? Without knowing a thing, I look around for help and slowly from the darkness of the sea, I can see image of someone emerging into view.

“Nod to me if someone else is there,” she says and I nod immediately.

“So can I speak to the wise one, please,” she continues. As if nothing happened, merman-me has regained his swift moves and begin to swim towards the silhouette. Slowly as I get closer, I can see another me standing there – yes, standing inside the water! -. His face is calm and he holds his hands behind his back like an old man. Probably that might suggest as a wise gesture? Or since it is in my imagination, maybe it is my idea of a wise man? I have to look it again in the body language dictionary. But even if it’s not, I believe he is since Rose asked me to go to the wise one inside me.

“Hello,” she begins to talk, “have you found the wise one?” I nod to answer that. The wise one turns his head looking into the darkness. Slowly I hear a clacking shoes like you heard from a girl’s high heels. I wonder what might happen now. Soon enough Rose appears from the edge of the the dark, walking closer to the wise one. She stops five feet away from him. They are staring at each other without saying a thing. My heartbeat is racing. What now?

“So wise one, you heard what we were talking about right?” As she asks that, the wise one starts to walk towards Rose. He is taking his time, walking step by step as if he knows that each step he takes rises my heart rate by a beat. And when the wise one is close enough to Rose, he stops and answers the question for me. He nods. I can feel my body nod too. He is part of me after all.

“So tell me wise one, what do you think of it?” Once she finished her sentence, all of a sudden there stand a huge distance between me and them as if something yank me backwards with a great force. Rose and the wise one have becoming small figures far from me. I can’t tell what are they talking about. They are too far. So I ask the merman-me to swim closer to them. Merman-me keeps swimming but the distance remain the same. Somehow Rose and the wise one are beyond reach. I force merman-me to swim harder. I know we should be next to them within seconds since I saw how fast merman-me could swim. Yet, some invisible force is stopping us from getting closer. I give up. The merman-me stops swimming. All I can do now is to watch them, talking without any possible way of me ever hear it.

I feel betrayed. I am now secluded from the rest in my own thought. Not that it is something new when I have been the recluse in my everyday life, but this is my own head we are talking about. This shouldn’t be happening. So I ask merman-me to swim again which resulting the unshrinkable great distance between us remains the same.

Okay, it is pointless to give it another try or panicking now. Probably this is the hunch I felt when the wise one walked towards Rose. So I wait there trying to calm myself. Maybe Rose would tell me later about her conversation with the wise one. I take a deep breath and release it slowly, just like Rose had taught me how to calm myself. Hey! I am learning a new trick in this session! When I feel like I am calm enough, I ask merman-me to swim the opposite way of Rose and the wise one, trying to see what else exist in this world inside my head. Would I see old dusty box filled with my childhood memories? As we are swimming, we see the brown box where we came out from. It looks older and beaten than the first time I saw it. There are scratches on places where were clean before. Does it mean something?

I look around to find what caused this scratches to appear or whom did it to my precious box, and find three silhouettes standing close to each other pretty far from the box, just on the edge of the darkness. Could they caused this? What are they? I ask merman-me to get closer to them. With the amazing ability to swim, it doesn’t take long for merman me to get to them. When we are close enough, I am shocked to see what I am seeing. I can’t believe it. All three silhouettes are me. Pretty scary thing to see a lot of me in a short time with no one else but Rose in this void.

Without asking who they are might be, I instinctively know them – or something inside me told me who they are. They are me after all. The gloomy is crouching down, hugging his knees. Next to him is the angry one, standing and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Now the last one, also standing around three feet from the two is the thinker. As his name suggest, he is thinking about something very hard with his back on us. He doesn’t see us coming, while the other two just stare at us and look away. Now that I think about it, the merman-me must’ve been the calm one. He was the one to show up every time Rose asked me to calm down, and the first me I saw inside the box. I look around to find if there’s another me? I look for suicidal me and couldn’t see anyone else. Maybe he successfuly managed to do it in this side of world. Or maybe gloomy-me is the core of suicidal-me? I can’t be sure.

The four of us wait for Rose and the wise one to finish their conversation. None of us say a word. The calm one swims around making a big circle on top of us. Besides that, nothing happens. I can hear the thinker murmuring something, but it’s too soft for me to hear the exact words. Probably if I say something, I could get to know them better. The only concern I am thinking, it might stir something because Rose hasn’t say a word about talking to the rest of me. So I wait in silence, looking at them.

It is funny to see them all in one place like this. All of them are so different, yet all of them are me. They created what I am now. Or is it the opposite way? I have to ask Rose for a definite answer. For meanwhile, I wonder what should I say to them.

Waiting in silence has always been my weakest point. I don’t have patience. I’ll ask Rose to help me with that later. But for now, I have to do something to kill time. So I walk closer to them. The angry glares at me. Since he is me, I am not that scared to get closer. Two steps away from him, I stop and introduce myself. None of them say a thing. The thinker keeps thinking without looking back at me, but I believe he heard me because he stopped murmuring for a second there. They all look busy too me. But I want to talk to them to distract my thought on Rose’s conversation with the wise one. I am about to ask them what are they doing there, but I cancel it because it sounds stupid. We all are inside me, so it is obvious why they are there.

The angry one has been staring at me since I introduced myself. It’s as if he’s about to explode and shout something mean to me. Maybe I have disturbed him by coming closer. That sound plausible. He steps towards me and opens his mouth. But before he says a thing, suddenly I hear Rose is talking very close to me. The voice came from behind me. I look back, and there she is, talking to the wise one. The wise one smiles to me. Not a fake one, but a genuine smile while he listens to Rose. I don’t pay attention to what Rose’s saying because I am thinking about what does his smile mean.

“Okay, thank you wise one for sharing with me,” she says and continues, ”can I talk to your real self now?” I answer her with just a nod. I know I nod with my body. I can feel myself move. But I am shouting inside my imagination, wanting an explanation of what just happened and why I couldn’t get closer to Rose when she was talking with the wise one with a lot more inside my head. But no sound comes out from my mouth. My motor skill is the only one working now. I wonder how long this would last. I want to ask a lot of question to Rose. Slowly I realized that I am scared and confused. I could not understand a thing that had been happening since I am here. I believe everything has a meaning and Rose could explain it to me. But I could not say a word to her. At least not for now. And slowly someone else is approaching me from the shadow and hugs me from my left side.

It is gloomy, coming to visit me.

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