The clock was saying ten fifteen. I only had one hour and forty-five minutes left to get it done. I needed to conquer the malice inside me. But something went wrong initially as I opened my eyes. My vision got foggy and slowly I began to lose the sense of my very own existence. I’d became an idea. A non-existence human being occupied the time and space. I became a waste that the world didn’t need. I’ve lost my grip to my consciousness – or I thought I did. Everything suddenly went black and I felt I was being moved towards somewhere. Like a fish so suddenly plucked out of the water I was gasping for for explanation. Where was I going? Who was my puppeteer?

I became disoriented. I couldn’t tell whether I was ascending or descending. Left or right became a vague concept. But I had to admit that it was an effortless traveling. I wished I could do it in real life. Oh so convenient. Here it goes the city-people disease. Then in my confusion, an electricity shock ran through me and I felt myself stopped. Even so, I was still disoriented.

It was a weird trip. So surreal that I had to slap myself to get the gist of it. I felt nothing. So this is all is just a dream? Or is it because I am just an idea now? Thoughts of numberless speculation swarming through my head. Too much that I couldn’t even grab one of themto my understanding. I let go the fight and tried to see what was going to happen next. I just wished that I weren’t dead. I haven’t done my anything in life!

I tried to put my head to work. Disoriented, floating in an unknown space, I travelled alone into deeper part of the peculiar space – or I thought so only to fulfill one’s creepy imagination. All of them were the informations I had gathered, and whichever it was, I was fucked up. The weirdest part came after I was busy thinking of a way out from it. It occurred to me that I felt somewhat calm in this majestic chaos. Somehow I felt like I belong there in the space i could not name. This was the place that I truly belong to. I was meant for this place. Oh I wished I could just stop this random thoughts from coming to my head. Perhaps someone moved me into a pond that I truly belong to? Oh cut it out, you stinky fish!

I tried hard to avoid any thought to materialized. I began to feel so relax like in my mother’s womb. I needed to rest now. I needed to release the tension. So I closed my eyes, wished it was just a nightmare and I would get up soon as I fell asleep in this dream. Time passed leisurely. I couldn’t figured out how many of ticks passed me. I became one with time; we were just an idea. I didn’t sleep nor get up.

In my solitude, I began to hear someone’s stepping slowly, cautiously towards me as if I was being marked by a predator. A shark perhaps? Oh shut up! Sharks don’t walk, they swim! The tension built up, I prepared myself for the killing strike. I opened my eyes to see who it was. But it was pointless. All I could see was darkness. So I closed my eyes again – I didn’t see the point of opening them when I couldn’t see anything -, clenched my jaw, fastened my fist and increased sensitivity of my remaining senses. But it never came to me for as long as I waited. The clacking soles inside the space disappeared slowly. I had to make sure until it was utterly gone or I would be killed by carelessness. Those predators are cunning creatures nowadays. So I took another time and waited in the dark. Time became my predator too. It devoured my perception of the past and the future. It could  had been a minute, or an hour, perhaps an eternity. But no matter how long it was, the voice never made any attempt to came at me. It was all silent that I could hear. I began to loosen up. I put my guard down.

Until so suddenly I heard someone was breathing next to my right ear. My heart jumped to my throat. I looked around and saw only the darkness. Was I making up the noises just to accompany myself? Was it the mirror me? I couldn’t be sure of any. I was sweating out of fear. I was petrified. I waited again for anything. Pathetic me. I was so powerless that all I could do was to wait.

“Hello,” I shouted into nothingness.

Nothing replied for a moment. But as it always did, moments passed.

“Hello there,” someone was answering me. A man. His voice was calm.

Let me tell you something. Nothing could be worse than losing your mind in a new pond. I learnt it the hard way.

I couldn’t breathe nor move. I was stupefied. I tried to count to ten as I always did to calm myself. It was my last resource I didn’t want to use prematurely. But I guessed the situation forced me to do it automatically that I couldn’t react to it. When I realized, I was counting up to three. I wasn’t thinking straight. I’ve lost my calm. Even counting to ten was like an enormous job to accomplished. Just like you were forcing a baby to say daddy or mommy. Damn hard!

“Don’t be afraid,” the voice told me and continued slowly, “I am not the enemy”.

“Who are you?”, I asked after letting go my counting. There would be another numbers to count after all. But the voice went silent. The only thing I could hear was my racing heartbeats entangled with my breathing.

“If you want to kill me, kill me fast!”, I shouted, “I have no time for a thriller scene!”

“Didn’t I tell you I am not your enemy?” this time he answered me.

“Then what are you? Why am I here? Did you brought me here?” I marched on with my questions.

“Calm down. That’s all you need to do now,” his voice was calm, “before I explain everything.”

Being easier said than done, calming down was far from becoming mine. I began to chase my ten frantically. Five always stopped me from going further and one always repeating itself. I started to cry. Not tears out of fear, but this overwhelmed pressure from being powerless brought along hopelessness. I hadn’t cried for so long that crying now felt new and terrifying. Everything in this space were against me.

“Now now. Don’t cry. I need you to be calm before they get us.”

Wait! What?! What is he blabbering about?

It took me a while to get back my state to talk. Then I asked, “What?”. I wanted to say more, but that was all I had. I used all my energy to stopped me from crying.

And slowly, something darker than the dark moved from a few feet away from me. It was going to my direction. This time, the killing strike was unavoidable.

***

I remember the last time I ran from home. I was twelve. The reason was stupid; my parents didn’t want to buy me a game console everybody’s been playing. I was the only one without it in my group. And I was excluded from everyone else. Yet after being mentally abused in school, my parents tried to reason with me instead of buying me that hot stuff.

I was mad. I was disappointed. I was just a child. I couldn’t do a thing but to protest with my own way; ran from home.

I couldn’t care less where I was running to, all I wanted to do was away from mom and dad. But I didn’t run far. I had only a small amount of energy in that small body of mine after all. And after fifteen minutes of running aimlessly, I’d ended up in the woods behind my house.

I stopped under a big tree while catching up my breath. I should’ve brought a canteen. My throat was as dry as the Great Sahara. But coming back home wasn’t an option. I had to show my parents that I was mad. So I decided to rest for a bit before I carry on. That was a good plan for me. As a kid would do when he’s tired, I fell asleep not so long after I had the plan. Pathetic me.

Half awakened, I saw someone sat beside and said something while pointing out to the woods. I was tired then. All I needed was another five minutes. Five more minutes mom, I thought I mumbled. Then I got back to sleep effortlessly.

It was almost pitch black when I opened my eyes. The cold woke me up. I was scared, not knowing what to do. I almost cried when I realized something out of the wood made a clank voice. I reached out to my feet, and I found a canteen with my flashlight. I was overjoyed and drank half of the supply. I had to force myself from drinking it all up because I planned to go as long as I could or at least for a night just to let my parents know that I was missing.

Then it had me. Who gave me the help? It was impossible for my parents do have done so. What kind of parents left their only son out in the wood when they know I was mad? Nope. Not them. Could it be that guy I saw when I was half asleep? Who was he. A wanderer? A time traveller? Perhaps that! I made up my mind based to the coolest imagination I could find. It was me from the future trying to save myself! Awesome!

Then I remembered that the future me pointed out somewhere to the woods. So I stood up, light up my flashlight, and headed deeper to the woods where he – future me- pointed.

To think of it now, it was amazing that I was so fixated to the mysterious guy and thought of me as a future-time-travelled me, but since I was a kid, I had a huge imagination. I guess that was why that having an adventure as such thrilled me.

Not so long I made my way to the top of a small hill. Since my flashlight was a toy, it refused to penetrate the dark. I was only able to reach a few feet away. I wonder what he was trying to lead me to? So I marched on going down the hill. Once I’d reached the bottom, I found that the hill was actually the top of a small cave. I had the urge to get in, but I remembered the scout rule; not to get in to a cave because it might be a home for wild animals.

But my options was fleeting. The darkness was getting thicker and the cold was building up. It was about time my parents start to look for me. They’d found me before wild animals got back to their home, right? Let’s just hope the cave belongs to no one.

So I went in, just barely at the mouth of the cave, and waited for anyone to save me. I switched of my flashlight to savor the batteries, just in case I needed to run from something beyond the dark in the cave. And I waited. Patiently.  That was the only thing logical to do when you ran into the woods at night, right? I wished my future-self brought along some game i could play in times like these. But the silence was okay too i guess. I got my imagination to play with anyway. And slowly i got the confident that i could pull it through. Then something moved from the dark. I couldn’t see, but i could feel. But the creature that came my way was the darkness itself, ready to plunge it fangs into my soul. I trembled big time and couldn’t budge a finger.  Then the darkness swallowed me whole and crushed my soul.