The morning came to visit early. The sun ray pierced through my window awakened me with a glorious bright light. I’ve lost my fever that morning. A bit light-headed I sat up in a room I didn’t recognize. It took me sometimes to realize that I was in my apartment. I survived hell alone. Great thing to start a day. It was Sunday. I got plenty time to kill with no idea of what to do came upon my brain. So I sat there at the edge of my bed recalling the nightmare. Then I remembered about my shadow. The sun casted my shadow to the wall behind me. I looked at it carefully trying to find some sign of malice from it. I couldn’t find any. It was my shadow alright. Could it be that I have hallucinated about it yesterday? Could the blizzard messed up my judgement? Well whichever it was, I got my shadow back and nothing could go wrong in this amazing morning. I wouldn’t let anything ruin it. Nothing except that blasting stereo playing some sort of hip-hop song from my vigorous neighbor.

Even I felt awesome that morning, I couldn’t shake the weird feeling of my nightmare as if part of me believe that to some extent that the dream was real. What was that all about? Where did such imagination came from? They said our dreams came from the thoughts we had before we go to bed. But I was sure that I wasn’t thinking of anything since the rough stroll I had before. All I ever thought was to get home as soon as possible and not to get killed frozen. So I let go the idea and went for the hot shower I deserved to have yesterday.

As the tub slowly filled with hot water, I took my time taking off my clothes. Then the mirror came to view with blurry reflection of mine produced by the steam from the tub and the cold air in winter. I wiped the dew and saw myself better now. I was too thin for a man my age. Then for a brief second my reflection sent back that eerie smile he did in my nightmare. I tried to run, but my feet failed me that I had nothing else better to do than to ask what was it all about. This time I was shouting loud that I was afraid that my neighbor would report me to the police. But thanks to his deafness, my voice was covered with the songs. Nonetheless, this thing got to end this instant.

I looked back to my reflection finding him smiling to me and put his right hand’s index finger to his lips. A sign for me to keep it down. He kept his smile align not to slipped a single degree. I was kind of shocked to what he did. So it was true. Everything was true to this point and I didn’t make it up. Wait. I wasn’t thinking straight now. It was impossible for a mirror to cast a different image than its object bestowed upon it. Unless the object itself did so.

So I forced myself to move and ran to find another mirror in my bedroom. The image I found was the same; that eerie me stared back from inside the mirror as if he was telling me that my puny struggle was meaningless. Was I hallucinating? Which one was real? Had I gone mad that I couldn’t recognize my own reflection?

None of it made sense.

There was no other way around this thing if I want it all to be answered. I needed to face myself. Soon as that idea crossed my mind, I couldn’t help but to laugh. I laughed like a mad man that had forgotten sanity for ages. I laughed and laughed as if there was no tomorrow. I had gone mad to have the thought of facing my own reflection.

Time slowly ticked for me. I picked up my pace and calmed down. Whatever it was I had to face it sooner or later. And since it was Sunday and I had nothing in my tab for today, I decided that I would handle it today once and for all. Something in me told me that it wouldn’t be easy. I almost fell for it and gave up but then I remembered I shouldn’t trust myself after that reflection of mine threatened me somehow with his smile. I was alone.

I knew time would wait for no one, and i am no one. So I took it slow and thought of everything from all of the occurring things that happened. It was only ten in the morning after all. I caught up my breath and thought of a way out to put it to an end. The sun shun right through my window and I saw my shadow bigger than me laid on the floor as I stood. I felt somehow empowered by what I saw; my shadow underneath me. But I knew it was just an illusion made by the sun. I didn’t earned it. It was only natural that my shadow glued to the ground. But its density proved its power. It was too dark for a normal morning shadow in the winter. I knew I shouldn’t be fooled by one’s appearance.

Could it be that it had been mounting up energy to bring me down? If it was so, then I had fallen to its treachery since last night. I should’ve overpowered it last night since its biggest aid – the sun – wasn’t there, instead of being a pussy and decided to go through the blizzard for help.

But now it was too late to feel sorry and protested for stupidity. I needed to get a plan to overthrown its kingdom. I figured it would be pointless if I let the sun reached its peak. I had two hours to get it done. Shit!

***

I left home when I was 22 – two years ago – and worked in a small company in the city. The salary might not be much to compare it with another big shot in my office. But it was massive to a village boy like me. I planned to work there for three or four years before I go back home and help my family’s business. My family had been known to produce the best milk in our village. It would be enough if I want to live as a normal village boy. But I was young and filled with desire to conquer the world. I told my dad that I would leave home and go back once I had enough money to support my own future. At first he refused. But mom had been my best friend. I ran to her and asked her to help me out. Nothing could reject her sweet smile, and she knew that. So that was basically the weapon she chose to fight my dad. Without the slightest struggle from dad, he decided to let me go.

I kissed my mom goodbye and a firm shake hand for my dad as I left. I also added my promise that I would come back once I’ve had enough – metaphorically and literally – and find myself a wife. I knew they were longing for a another baby besides me since I am an only child. So I thought I should at least try to throw a bait for them to fetch.

I knew they had taken my bait since it was all they were talking about when they called me the first time. It was a month after I worked in the city. I told them not to rush since I was only on my probation. Then they moved on to everything regarding my life in the city. I told them I was okay. Pretty much everything to assure them from worrying. To be honest the phone call was all I need. I was having a hard time fitting in to the hectic city life and almost lost my reason to stick around. When I heard their voices, I regained my strength back to carry on.

Oh I wish I could call home now when I needed them the most before my big battle.

***

It was time to face the reflection, or shadow, or whatever you may call this thing. I shall thrive from victory. There was no reason for me not to win this. I had my live ahead of me and tomorrow is Monday. Big presentation was coming. Oh I haven’t done my part. But I had to leave that part away for now and prepared for the worst.

As I was fixated to concentrate, a voice broke through asking, whether I was sure to do it though I wouldn’t come back in one piece. Of course I wasn’t, but I had the feeling that if I let this thing stay a bit longer, it would consume me whole without ever being able to come back. That was why I need to do this. I needed to have myself back, only for me. Then it occurred to me, the question I should’ve asked from the very beginning; why is it there? Who made it? If I was to blame, why not for once I felt its existence inside me? Oh great, the question he asked put my mind in chaos and broke my preparation. So I picked myself up and started all over again. I couldn’t afford to lose another minute. I had only an hour left to regain myself back.

I said to myself repeatedly that I will come back alive even in pieces. It was a struggle to keep the voices away since it all happened inside me, but since failure wasn’t an option, I had to make it under control. Not so long after that, silence crept in. At first I thought it would be nice to be in total vacuum of voice. I had the knack to ignore my surrounding. But ignorance would only bring civilization to extinction. So I tried hard to grab some sense of hearing. This time, I failed. I heard nothing. Not even birds chirping. Not the traffic. Not the loud music from the young man living next door. I had lost my ability to hear.

My heartbeat raced. My head filled with logical explanation for what was occurring. I began to panicked. None of it made sense. What should I do? I closed my eyes and hoped that is was just another nightmare I could escape unscratched.

Later, I figured out I made the wrong decision to do so.